Love thy neighbor?

[poorme]

I saw this site the other day. Found it pretty darn funny. Makes me appreciate my current neighbors. Anyone have any stories?

http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm

[johnny]

:loud: :loud: :loud:
Reminded me of some people I knew when I lived in GA.
Then I saw the picture of the police business card and realized it was GA!
That is the best laugh I have had in a long time. The fish tank kills me.

[Max Power]

Sadly, I have about 4 years worth of stories about the neighbor from hell. Tales that I may even think were untrue - - had they not happened to me!

It's scary how some people are - - - example: Nutso Jr. next door was in the street in front of my house (mine, as always, never his) with a metal baseball bat hitting a basketball (yes, a basketball) fungo-style straight up into my power/phone/cable lines. Each time he hit the wires, they were a whisker away from ripping off the siding of the house.

I went out to ask him (he was about 15 at the time) just what the hell he thought he was doing - - his reply:

How old are you? Are you over 18?
Me: Yeah, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?
You're over 18. You can't touch me. I can do whatever I want. If you try and stop me, I'll have the cops come and haul your ass into jail.

I swear, this was a true exchange.

Then, I found out from someone else on the block that this was the family M.O. They would do crazy things to drive you crazy - and, the minute you did something about it, they would sue.

The phone wire story is one of the mellower ones - trust me.

Eventually, we moved. Best thing we ever did.

[poorme]

You just hope the people who are going to buy your house don't find out until after they've signed on the dotted line.

Next time I buy a house, I'll definitely look for the warning signs....burned deck, pool table in the driveway, falling down fence, etc.

[Skip]

You know, I guess I've been really lucky. I dont' really have a bad neighbor. Not that I'm close to my neighbors. Most I rarely talk to - they're always pretty busy - and by some weird coincidence they never seem to be out and about when I am. Their kids dont hang out with my kids either. It was the same way in my last couple neighborhoods....

...hmmm, I just had a thought ..... nahhhh! :D

[spitball]

I have a neighbor from one of the Baltic states who's an alchoholic and lives with his mom.( he's in his late 50's).
He decided that he would be a better father to one of my cats so he lured him to his house with some soft food .
Now he tells everyone that Hektor (that's my cat) is his cat.
One day Hektor came home . Well all hell broke loose. My drunken neighbor threatened to call the cops if we didn't return his cat. He put up flyers all around the neighborhood and went door to door (except ours) asking if anyone had seen his cat.
Hektor had been at our house for 3 hours.
Hektor left and we haven't seen him since.
Now whenever the nutbird sees me walking he starts shouting to anyone in earshot, "There's the guy that stole my cat!!".
I just want to kick him in the nuts.

[spitball]

Oh yeah. I should have added this..........:finger: :smash:

[hmrsf]

That beats the erotic dancers who lived in the offcampus family housing unit next to mine. They were harmless......very loud but harmless. Everyone in the unit got free cable.

Currently we have the grey hound do caper. How can such thin dogs create such big.....droppings?

:eek:

[TGwynn19]

Originally posted by hmrsf
That beats the erotic dancers who lived in the offcampus family housing unit next to mine. They were harmless......very loud but harmless. Everyone in the unit got free cable.


Free cable for erotic dancers... i assume you mean TV:devil:

[hmrsf]

They were very nice but the sad thing is 2 of them had children.


Needless to say I did a lot of babysitting. Very cute kids. I guess they felt guilty so I ended up with free cable.

One of them is now a lawyer. I see her ad on tv.

[Max Power]

Spitball - I have one to top that - - my ex-neighbor - - - the ultimate wacko!

My wife has a habit of feeding animals. It's the Snow White in her. In the old house, one day, a bunch of stray cats (not Brian Setzer) showed up. So, 'natch, my wife starts feeding them - - - and, it's true, feed 'em once and they keep showing up - - and, she kept feeding them. Harmless, really.

One day I come home from work, and my wife says to me "Nut Job next door did something really strange. He has a sign hanging in his kitchen window, facing out. We're the only ones who can see his kitchen window since it's in the back of his house. Here's the strange part, it says 'I LOVE CATS' in big letters."

So, I gotta go into the yard and check this out. Well, my wife's eyes aren't as good as mine. I saw the sign all right. Read it very easy. Then I went back into the house.

Honey, uh, I read that sign. There's some smaller words that you missed. It says in caps 'I LOVE CATS' but right under it in smaller print it reads 'they taste just like fried chicken.'

Like I said, a total wack-job. Looking to start something any way he could. Sick bastard. He's one of the few people in this world, up there with the Osama, that I hope dies a slow and painful death.

[spitball]

Amen, max.
May he die a slow and painful death.

[Craig S.]

Originally posted by Max Power
So, I gotta go into the yard and check this out. Well, my wife's eyes aren't as good as mine. I saw the sign all right. Read it very easy. Then I went back into the house.

Honey, uh, I read that sign. There's some smaller words that you missed. It says in caps 'I LOVE CATS' but right under it in smaller print it reads 'they taste just like fried chicken.'

Like I said, a total wack-job. Looking to start something any way he could. Sick bastard. He's one of the few people in this world, up there with the Osama, that I hope dies a slow and painful death.

Sometimes I wish they could just eliminate people like this before they do something truly sick.

[Max Power]

The really sad part is, these were two of the milder stories. There's a lot worse! Problem is, most of them are long - and, I don't want to spend the time typing them or reliving them. It's been 2 1/2 years of bliss since I moved - and I promised myself I wouldn't give that scum more than a second's thought once I was out of there.

[TGwynn19]

Originally posted by Max Power
The really sad part is, these were two of the milder stories. There's a lot worse! Problem is, most of them are long - and, I don't want to spend the time typing them or reliving them. It's been 2 1/2 years of bliss since I moved - and I promised myself I wouldn't give that scum more than a second's thought once I was out of there.

Maybe I am a sick dude myself...but after that last one...I need more!!!! I can view this as a sitcom that is totally removed from reality. I can laugh at that because it will never be a reality to me. So if you can bring youself to it Max, please post more. I am completely amused.

[Max Power]

Last story - I swear - and, it's true!

This ass was up to something with cars. We lived in NY; but, he never had a car with permanent NY plates. One car had NJ temporary plates (for 5 years!), another had CT dealer plates, one with FLA plates, etc. But, never one with permanent NY plates - - like he should have, as a NY resident. Usually, he always had some monster thing in the driveway - like a van, a semi (yes, the huge truck), a trailer, whatever. So, he was always parking his "other" 3 to 4 cars on the street.

One day, I came home, and, like always, he had one of his cars parked in front of my house - but, I noticed the spot in front of his house was empty. So, I figure, fair is fair, it's a public street, I'll park in front of his house.

I'm in the house no more than 5 minutes and I hear "Bang!" and then again "Bang!" and again "Bang!" WTF? So, I go to the front window and can't believe what I see!

He's sitting out there in a lawn chair, his wife is out there too, standing with her hands on her hips, both watching their 15 year old son - - playing basketball in the street. But, they set up the portable hoop so that every time he got a basket, the ball would hit my car. The damn hoop was right over the hood of my car!

I go running out there and he starts laughing the minute he sees me. I look at the both of them and say "What's your problem?"

The wife turns to me and says "I don't have a problem. It's your car that's getting hit with the ball. You're the one that has a problem."

After this, I'm still trying to be nice - I say: Look, I'm an easy guy. I was a kid once and used to play in the street too. Any time you want to play ball, and my car is in the way, just ring my bell and I'll move the car. In fact, the only reason why I'm parked in front of your house is that your car is parked in front of my house and I had no where else to park.

Sr. Asshole starts laughing even harder now. Mrs. Asshole then says to me "Why don't you take your car and park it all the way around the corner?"

And, now, the three of them start to laugh harder, all together, like her stupid comment was the funniest thing ever said.

Well, I already had the knowledge that this was their game, and they would have loved for me to hit someone (so they could sue) - so, I said to them "You're all f*ing nuts" and then I got into my car and moved it way down to the end of the street.

I went back into the house and told my wife - - hide all the knives, because if I can find one in two minutes, I'm going to go out there and kill all of them. She got me to calm down, and, in that ten minutes, you guessed it. They stopped playing basketball and the hoop was moved from the street back into their backyard.

Freaks. There's more - even worse. But, really, I'm done. Don't ask Trev - - as I type these, I realize they may sound funny - - but, they're not to me.

[Craig S.]

Originally posted by Max Power
Freaks. There's more - even worse. But, really, I'm done. Don't ask Trev - - as I type these, I realize they may sound funny - - but, they're not to me.

Actually, one story would be funny. However, when you have so many, it really becomes both frustrating and slightly scary. Frustrating because these sound like the trashiest people ever, and I can understand wanting to kill them. Scary because you just never know how far people like that would take something. What is especially worrisome is that it seemed to be a family thing, not just one nut from the group.

[gyb13]

This would've been my reaction:
:twogn:

[Max Power]

Originally posted by Craig S.
What is especially worrisome is that it seemed to be a family thing, not just one nut from the group.

Yup, he had 2 daughters and a son. And, I'm sure they will turn out just like him.

[poorme]

Originally posted by Max Power
moved from the street back into their backyard.

Freaks. There's more - even worse. But, really, I'm done. Don't ask Trev - - as I type these, I realize they may sound funny - - but, they're not to me.

Wow, these people sound like psychopaths. Could be a horror movie. Those people from the website sound like angels compared to your neighbors. Yikes!

[KCBOOMER]

:jsmile: :jsmile: :moon: