Fleet N. Ema
02-05-2002, 12:17 PM
10. John Rocker will hear the word "arsehole" in 11 different languages.
9. After reports of dischord in the clubhouse, Tom Hicks--on the advice of Scott Boras--fires John Hart and hires Dan Duquette--A-Rod tells ESPN that everything's great and he's "having a blast."
8. Chan Ho Park completely blows out shoulder, arm, wrist, and head--new GM Duquette concedes that there's an outside, remote chance that Park might miss a start.
7. Tom Hicks will get a ticket for minor traffic infraction, in traffic court Hicks asks to plea bargain. This is granted and Hicks bargains himself onto death row where he'll have an appointment with the "Lone Star" state's friendly syringe.
6. Carl Everett and John Rocker beat a guy in a "Barney" costume to death--A-Rod tells USA Today that things are "terrific" in the clubhouse noting that Rocker and Everett are even doing things together.
5. In a search for healthy pitchers, new GM Duquette signs Dave Dravecky, Tom Browning and Tony Saunders--A-Rod tells The Sporting News that he's "thrilled" that Duquette is upgrading the pitching staff.
4. John Rocker in a fit of pique eats Hideki Irabu. A-Rod tells Baseball Weekly that Rocker suffers from a rare eating disorder but enjoys Japanese cuisine. He expresses concern about Rocker's elevated cholesterol.
3. New GM Dan Duquette deals Pudge Rodriguez, Rusty Greer, Rafael Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez, and Jeff Zimmerman and cash to the Yankees for prospects. A-Rod tells FoxSports that he's "absolutely ecstatic" when he thinks about the Rangers farm system.
2. On the night when Hicks is executed, the Rangers are infected with malaria when a swarm of 50 lb mosquitoes descend on TBiA, followed by an F-5 tornado that completely demolishes the stadium which stirs up the anthrax placed on the baselines by Al-Qaeda terrorists killing 25,000 and injuring 10,000; the Rangers are sold to Jeffrey Loria who tries to move them to Battle Creek Michigan but instead are contracted by MLB and A-Rod's contract is sold to the St. Paul Saints where he is made a platoon DH A-Rod tells ESPN Insider that he's "never been happier, has no regrets, would do it again in a heartbeat, and his only complaint is the spontaneous orgasms he suffers from when he thinks about his life."
1. A-Rod is found hanging by his jockstrap in his locker with a note pinned to his chest: "I moved to the hereafter to improve my future--you should too."
"P.S. The truth is: I felt too guilty about how happy I was so I thought I'd go slumming in heaven."
Best Regards
John
9. After reports of dischord in the clubhouse, Tom Hicks--on the advice of Scott Boras--fires John Hart and hires Dan Duquette--A-Rod tells ESPN that everything's great and he's "having a blast."
8. Chan Ho Park completely blows out shoulder, arm, wrist, and head--new GM Duquette concedes that there's an outside, remote chance that Park might miss a start.
7. Tom Hicks will get a ticket for minor traffic infraction, in traffic court Hicks asks to plea bargain. This is granted and Hicks bargains himself onto death row where he'll have an appointment with the "Lone Star" state's friendly syringe.
6. Carl Everett and John Rocker beat a guy in a "Barney" costume to death--A-Rod tells USA Today that things are "terrific" in the clubhouse noting that Rocker and Everett are even doing things together.
5. In a search for healthy pitchers, new GM Duquette signs Dave Dravecky, Tom Browning and Tony Saunders--A-Rod tells The Sporting News that he's "thrilled" that Duquette is upgrading the pitching staff.
4. John Rocker in a fit of pique eats Hideki Irabu. A-Rod tells Baseball Weekly that Rocker suffers from a rare eating disorder but enjoys Japanese cuisine. He expresses concern about Rocker's elevated cholesterol.
3. New GM Dan Duquette deals Pudge Rodriguez, Rusty Greer, Rafael Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez, and Jeff Zimmerman and cash to the Yankees for prospects. A-Rod tells FoxSports that he's "absolutely ecstatic" when he thinks about the Rangers farm system.
2. On the night when Hicks is executed, the Rangers are infected with malaria when a swarm of 50 lb mosquitoes descend on TBiA, followed by an F-5 tornado that completely demolishes the stadium which stirs up the anthrax placed on the baselines by Al-Qaeda terrorists killing 25,000 and injuring 10,000; the Rangers are sold to Jeffrey Loria who tries to move them to Battle Creek Michigan but instead are contracted by MLB and A-Rod's contract is sold to the St. Paul Saints where he is made a platoon DH A-Rod tells ESPN Insider that he's "never been happier, has no regrets, would do it again in a heartbeat, and his only complaint is the spontaneous orgasms he suffers from when he thinks about his life."
1. A-Rod is found hanging by his jockstrap in his locker with a note pinned to his chest: "I moved to the hereafter to improve my future--you should too."
"P.S. The truth is: I felt too guilty about how happy I was so I thought I'd go slumming in heaven."
Best Regards
John